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This Week on TV (6/7-6/13)


 

MONDAY (6/7)
  • The Bachelorette (ABC, 8pm):  “Fourteen bachelors remain, nine of whom accompany Ali to a Barenaked Ladies performance (and are cast in one of the band’s videos).” If one of them passes a drug test, they could also become Barenaked Ladies’ latest singer.
  • True Beauty (ABC, 10pm):  “Penn and Teller teach the contestants a magic trick, but swear them to secrecy on how it’s done. Will anyone give it up when questioned by a reporter?” More importantly: Will they give up the Everlasting Gobstopper?
  • Mega Bites (TLC, 10pm):  “A chef teams up with an engineer and a food scientist to build the world’s largest Rice Krispies Treat.” The bomb squad was mistakenly dispatched after reports of large snaps, crackles and pops.

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This Week on TV (5/31-6/6)


 

MONDAY (5/31)
  • King of Dirt (DIY, 9pm):  “A couple celebrate their wedding anniversary by having the front yard of their home landscaped.” For their first anniversary, it was their bodies they had landscaped.
  • Kendra (E!, 10pm):  “Kendra works on her tell-all autobiography, which Hank believes is too revealing.” He thinks she should just stick to picture books.
  • True Beauty (ABC, 10pm):  Season premiere. “Ten contestants pose in lighted glass cases on the Las Vegas strip, thinking they’re competing for the title ‘The Face of Vegas,’ while actually both their outer and inner beauty are being judged.” The contestants, like Vegas, have a stylish exterior but are vacant inside.

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This Week on TV (5/24-5/30)


 

MONDAY (5/24)
  • How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8pm):  Season finale. “Marshall and Lily make a vow to try to have a baby if they see Barney’s doppelgänger.” Spotted: Bryan Ryan, a Stinson lookalike, playing the role of Jean Valjean in Les Miserables.
  • Two and a Half Men (CBS, 9pm):  Season finale. “Charlie’s license is suspended and Jake becomes his driver.” A personal driver was a stipulation in Charlie Sheen’s new deal with CBS.
  • Law & Order (NBC, 10pm):  Series finale. “Lupo and Bernard try to locate a blogger who threatened to blow up a school, but the teachers’ union hampers the probe.” Per their contracts, the teachers will only provide assistance when they have a renewed season.

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This Week on TV (5/17-5/23)


(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

 

MONDAY (5/17)
  • 10 Things I Hate About You (ABC Family, 8pm):  “Joey gets a callback for a reality show!” Canceled shows call for desperate measures.
  • Romantically Challenged (ABC, 9:30pm):  “Perry takes a stay-at-home vacation, which irritates unemployed roommate Shawn so much that Shawn is willing to take a job - virtually any job.” This is what Perry would call a ‘productive vacation.’
  • The Real Housewives of New Jersey (Bravo, 10pm):  “Sick of the Jersey-girl superdramas, Dina reaches out to a Zen master to remove all the negativity from her life.” In different parts of Jersey, problem-solving “Zen masters” go by a different title.

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This Week on TV (5/10-5/16)


(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

 

MONDAY (5/10)
  • How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8pm):  “The friends crash an upscale party attended by prominent intellectuals, and Ted tries to show off his brainier side.” His theory on the success of “The Naked Man” strategy proved to be an effective ice breaker.
  • Unwrapped (Food, 8:30pm):  “Included: a huge jawbreaker that takes three weeks to make.” And only two seconds for your child’s dentist to cash in.
  • 24 (FOX, 9pm):  “Jack Bauer goes rogue to discover who’s behind the day’s despicable events.” A strategy that could have come in handy…even a few hours ago.

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This Week on TV (5/3-5/9)


(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

 

MONDAY (5/3)
  • Romantically Challenged (ABC, 9:30):  “Shawn romances Lisa’s friend Vanessa because her cable system carries the hockey championship games and his doesn’t.” She didn’t realize what type of scoring he had in mind.
  • Castle (ABC, 10pm):  “Beckett and Castle investigate the death of a big-name chef found frozen in a restaurant’s kitchen.” This would not be a good time to be The Naked Chef.
  • Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood (Oxygen, 10pm):  “Tori and Dean’s relationship is tested after uneasy rider Dean takes a spill on the motorcycle racetrack, landing him in the hospital. The accident leaves the couple conflicted—until Dean issues an apology.” The one who should apologize is the one the audience cares about the least.

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This Week on TV (4/26-5/2)


(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

MONDAY (4/26)
  • 24 (FOX, 9pm):  “President Taylor enlists a private security firm led by Mark Bledsoe (D.B. Sweeney) to assist in the crisis.” She believes his experience with the “Pamchenko” could come handy in this situation.
  • Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives (FOOD, 10pm):  “Guy visits a 40-year-old fish shack in Mayport, Fla., where shrimp is prepared nine different ways.” Thanks to the economy, employees aren’t the only thing Bubba Gump has had to cut back on.
  • United States of Tara (Showtime, 10:30pm):  “A tornado strikes the city and the Gregsons seek shelter in their basement, where Tara’s new alter, therapist Shoshana Schoenbaum, convenes a family meeting.” Misery always loves new company.

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This Week on TV (4/19-4/25)


(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

 

MONDAY (4/19)
  • How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8pm):  “Ted attends his mom’s wedding and is troubled by her affectionate relationship with the groom, which prompts Ted to make an impulsive decision regarding his life.” He needs to stop stringing women/fans along fast and find that other “mother"of his.
  • House (FOX, 8pm):  “Wilson begins anew with an ex ().” Unfortunately, random visions of a man named “Hugo Reyes” keeps diverting her attention.
  • Romantically Challenged (ABC, 9:30pm):  Series premiere. “Lawyer and mom Rebecca (Alyssa Milano) re-enters the dating scene after a 15-year marriage and looks to her clueless friends for advice and support.” I believe the last thing any girl wants to do is help Alyssa Milano find a man.

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This Week on TV (4/12-4/18)


(Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

 

MONDAY (4/12)
  • How I Met Your Mother (CBS, 8pm):  “Marshall gets mugged, prompting Lily to want to get a gun.” Given her previous experiencing staking vampires, he knew she was handy with weapons.
  • Two and a Half Men (CBS, 9pm):  “Alan tolerates Jake’s new friend, who is a bad influence, because he’s attracted to the boy’s mother, played by .” According to Jim, she’s got very low standards.
  • Pawn Stars (History, 10pm):  “Included: an archery bow; a full-size, hand-carved wooden motorcycle; and a pirate peg leg.” Life’s even hard for the Dread Pirate Roberts XL.

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This Week on TV (4/5-4/11)


Make sure to check out TV Envy’s Programming Schedule.)

 

MONDAY (4/5)
  • Life Unexpected (CW, 8pm):  “Cate, Lux and Baze go on a road trip to track down Cate’s long-absent father ().” When they realized he was the guy with the mullet, they kept on driving.
  • Rules of Engagement (CBS, 8:30pm):  “Audrey tries to give her unattractive friend confidence by lying to her and telling her she’s on Jeff’s list of women he would sleep with if Audrey wasn’t around.” By lying about it, she ironically gave Jeff permission to possibly one day do it.
  • Runaway Squad (A&E, 10pm):  Series premiere. “In the opener of a series following a team that searches for runaways and reunites them with their families, a Long Island teen is sought.” He was eventually tracked down after becoming a mayor on Foursquare.

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